©Ilona Brandwacht

I am ashamed 01-09-2015

I don’t feel okay
I don’t know what to say
In my mind there’s a mess
All I can do is stress

Stress about what should have been
It makes my mind spin
All I wanted to be
Was a better version of me

I wouldn’t be as fearful as I am
I wouldn’t give a dam
I would believe in me
Be who I wanted to be

Do the things I dream about
But all I do is doubt
Doubt about what I need to do
About how to get through

I want to be the one who knows
I want to be the one who chose
Chose this path I am on
Without thinking I’m doing it wrong

Ashamed I do feel
This feeling is very real
It’s there every day
I don’t want it to stay

I want to be able to love me
I want to feel free
I want to be okay
This is the way

The way I want to go
I need to show
Show myself there is no reason
To commit this treason

I need to believe I can do
All I want to
I have a reason to go on
I’m not doing anything wrong

©Ilona Brandwacht 01-09-2015

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